Assertion and rights

Again, assertion is about assertively your rights while respecting the rights of others. 

At each session of the workshop, participants reacted strongly when they heard "I have the right to state my own needs and set my own priorities". Wasn't that being selfish?, they asked. Dickson uses a wonderful phrase to capture this sentiment - "the compassion trap". This trap "is usually defined as a sense of obligation that, as a woman, you should put everyone else's needs before your own all of the time. You should always be available and accessible to others."  (p.54) Do women continue to fall into this trap today? Yes, we do. We still tend to feel guilty if we put ourselves first ever. Note the words "all" and "always" - if you fall into a behavioural pattern of submissiveness, beware. We have the right to state our feelings and our needs, and to set our priorities. On the other hand, being assertive does not give you the license to insist on getting your way. That's the point.

The literature on assertiveness that I read all listed these types of rights - basic "human rights". However, very few dealt specifically with the workplace. The one I found and used in workshops is called Assertiveness at work. A practical guide to handling awkward situations, by Ken and Kate Back (McGraw-Hill Book Company (UK) Limited, London, 1982). Their book covers much of the same territory as Dickson's and others. What makes it different is their explicit sections on how non-assertive behaviour between staff and between staff and managers negatively impacts an organization. 

Job rights cover: international conventions; national legislation; policies of the particular organization; and "the rights between you and the people you work with". ..."these constitute the most important category of rights within your job... because they are the ones that influence your behaviour in most of the day-to-day situations you encounter."

Common rights "that many people believe they may have in their jobs:

• the right to be clear on what is expected of me

• the right to know how my manager sees my performance

• the right to get on with my job in my own way once objectives and constraints have been agreed

• the right to make mistakes from time to time

• the right to have a say/veto in selecting the people who work for me

• the right to expect work of a certain standard from my staff

• the right to criticize the performance of a member of staff when it falls below the required standard

• the right to be consulted about decisions that affect me

• the right to take decisions about matters that affect my department or area of work

• the right to refuse unreasonable requests." (Back & Back, p.41)

Some of these rights may be clarified through organizational policies and practices, e.g. performance management. What the Backs don't cover in their book is the multicultural dimension. Rights are intertwined with a belief system - which again is based on one's experience, including shared experience - i.e. culture. These "rights" generated a lot of discussion and disagreement among participants at the workshops. For example, the "right to be consulted" - Wow! Evident to some, not to others.

One participant was really at a loss to find an example of a situation where she got angry or had a conflict at work. "I never get angry," she claimed. But later discussion triggered a memory of an incident where she wasn't consulted by her manager. An inalienable right, she would claim given her age and her culture. Not so evident to her manager, from a different culture. Some participants believed that there was (almost) no such thing as an "unreasonable" request. Others felt they had a right to a reasonable work/life balance (and therefore the right to leave after an 8-1/2 hour day). Others felt they had the right to negotiate a solution. In other words, the human to human ("we are all equals") connection was stronger than the hierarchal staff member/manager relation for some of the participants, not others. Usually the difference was along cultural lines.

Drawing conclusions, though, about cultural differences can be risky (more about that later). Speaking of drawing, I would love to be able to insert a Far Side cartoon right now!