I was sent to a train-the-trainer workshop in London (thank you, CM!) It was a two-day course on assertiveness. On the eve of day one, a nasty hurricane swept through London. Trees went down. Cars were smashed. Public transport was blocked. Major delays. So, rather difficult to get from A to B. That meant the facilitator had to cope with starting up on day two with less than half the participants in the room. I was in awe of her ability to improvise and re-direct the course so that late-comers could catch up. This was one of the biggest lessons - facilitators need to navigate, redirect and reach the end point, regardless of the challenges along the way. Plan for contingencies - like hurricanes!
"Process", she said, "is just as important as content." Workshops, meetings, have a flow, a dynamic that the facilitator needs to take into account in the design of the event. And of course also needs to be highly conscious of throughout the event. Ice-breakers, post-lunch energizers and other types of exercises that get participants out of their seats and even laughing (Gosh!) and jumping around are not a diversion from the real substance of the meeting. They are an integral part of reaching desired outcomes by the end of the day. Because results are dependent on the people in the room wanting to be there, wanting to work together, wanting to approach old issues in innovative ways.
Oh yes, and assertiveness ... the content of the workshop! Assertiveness training was a big deal in the 80s. One of the key people working in this field at that time was Anne Dickson. In 1982 she published A woman in your own right. Assertiveness and you. Although aimed at women, men were not excluded. She also developed a programme for Channel 4 called Assert yourself. The 4-part series was narrated by Andrew Sachs - well known then as now for his role in Fawlty Towers as Manuel. A perfect choice to illustrate that assertiveness - or lack thereof - is not just a women's issue. Search Assert Yourself on YouTube to find clips.
Dickson today
So now in 2013, I was curious to find out what would happen when I re-read the book. Would it seem dated? Both content and tone? Turns out I was as engaged in re-reading, as I was in reading it the first time. Dickson is still relevant - which is sad news. That is, sad that there is still a need among younger generations. Assertive behaviour is based on a sense of self-worth and esteem. I can see from a search on the web that assertiveness training is still being offered. Just observing young people I come in contact with confirms that Dickson's stories of Dulcie (doormat), Agnes (aggressive), Ivy (indirectly aggressive) speak to us today. The Selmas (assertive) are still in a minority. The lack of self-confidence and esteem is pernicious. By the way, Anne Dickson updated her book, which was re-published in 2012. I'm still using my dog-eared copy from the 80s. In her preface Anne Dickson explains that the book "is designed to help women who feel that the are too passive, too aggressive, or too manipulative. It explains how to be assertive instead. It is about basic patterns of behaviour and how to change them." (p. xi).
We regard each one of those non-assertive behaviours as negative, yet we all tend to adopt one or more of those reactions in times of stress and anxiety. The instincts of flight or fight are so ingrained that we need to make tremendous efforts to learn new behaviours to overcome them. Don't know whether we will mutate into beings where assertiveness becomes instinctive. Seems that is the best way to ensure survival of the species. Being naive? Perhaps.
Assertion of what? Of basic human rights. Do we know what they are? Do we feel that we can apply them to ourselves - at home, in relationships, at work? No, not really. This is where it gets fuzzy.
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