Oh no! Not a compromise (-:

When I went to school (yes, some time ago) the word compromise had a positive ring. Reaching a compromise meant an agreement had been made - peace and harmony could be restored. 

In its early days, assertive communication was associated with compromise - a good thing. However, in the workshops I ran most of the participants had an immediate negative reaction to the word "compromise". They regarded it as a sign of weakness, of giving up or giving in. Anne Dickson attempted to circumvent this by using the term workable compromise: "being able to negotiate around a conflict in priorities" (A woman in her own right, p.11). That work-around didn't fly. In the minds of the participants “working compromise” = compromise = defeat.

And they were right - they were instinctively reacting to the underlying Win/Lose or Lose/Lose dynamics.

Win/Win is part of a global vocabulary now - transferred directly from English to many other languages. It is not clear whether Steven Covey originated the phrase. He certainly made it popular through his 7 habits of highly effective people, published in 1989. Habit 4 is "Think Win/Win", and is especially aimed at managers and leaders.  Covey considers it "the habit of effective interpersonal leadership".

Win/win is not a technique; it's a total philosophy of human interaction. In fact, it is one of six paradigms of interaction The alternative paradigms are Win/Lose, Lose/Win, Lose/Lose, Win and Win/Win or No Deal.Win/Win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win/Win means that agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial, mutually satisfying. With a Win/Win solution, all parties feel good about the decision and feel committed to the action plan.

Too naive, you may think? Not so. Steven Covey was a well respected businessman and management consultant. In August 2011, Time listed 7 habits as one of "the 25 most influential business management books in the world". 

Why? Because "Think Win Win" is the habit that underpins the cluster in the highest sphere of "public victory". 

My adaption of Covey’s illustration of the 7 habits.

Interdependence is at the top: we need to develop independence but at the same time we need to understand, accept and embrace interdependencies. Whether it is our private world of personal relationships or our public world of relations to colleagues, suppliers, clients, and so on, adopting an aggressive Win/Lose approach may yield short-term gains but ultimately becomes Lose/Lose (or, as Covey says, “No Deal”). It undermines trust, which obviously has a negative impact on any relationship. True Win/Win is grounded in character traits Covey describes as: integrity, maturity (courage and consideration) and the "abundance mentality".

The phrase Win/Win has become common. Perhaps too common. I fear that the original meaning has been diminished, or even lost. Still, it is a better framework for reaching sustainable solutions than compromise, where no one wins.